I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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