If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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