I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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