i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize