My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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