whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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