I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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