We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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