I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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