I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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