You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
birth control should be required to get into college
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
