i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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