No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
honey bunches of taint.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
