The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
