I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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