see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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