Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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