why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
