it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
