I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She just used a chaser for red wine.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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