Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You need Xanax blowdarts
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
