thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
