angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
