No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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