i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
