You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
