Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
