Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
