omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize