u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
