We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
