Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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