He had one of those small greek statue penises
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
