Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
