I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize