So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
