yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
