Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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