Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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