Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
