she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
