i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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