I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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