I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize