i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
