i just google imaged poop.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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