it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
