I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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