Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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