I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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