Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
