im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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