Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
