You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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