I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize