Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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