You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
