I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
