He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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