I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Congratulations! We have a period
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
