it's too hot outside to masturbate.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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