I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
