this boner is exhausting
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
