I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
