I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
