Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
