sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
