just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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