Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
