Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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