I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize